???!

YOU GUYS, HOW THE MOTHERSHIT DO I TURN ON MY PILOT LIGHT? Like, what IS this?!

Sometimes I really hate pretending to be a cool DIY hipster. What beardy handyman can I get to come over here and turn this shit on, make me a stew, possibly make me candles from scratch and light them, and then cuddle me in his bear-arms?! If you know anyone text me, thanks.